Sunday, September 29, 2013

Maybe Some Answers

Yesterday I studied but didn't really study for a test I took today. [I did study a bit today]
And last night I talked to two of my friends about questions and answers. So here are some.

I think that yes, some people would say I am too analytical. But I have decided it suits my process. I don't think I could operate as my personality within the mind of another. It wouldn't really be me if my brain had to work someone else's way. I'm comfortable in my own skin. It's a good skin to be in for me.
So, I'm just a questioning kind of person. And sometimes there won't be answers as concrete as I would like. And that means patience. [That is answer one.]

Some later questions were: what is the point of relationships? Why is it important to count on people? Have you ever wondered, why do we have friends? Not that I don't want them [I love my friends] I was just wondering what they are for. I had these questions separated before, but now I think they should be together. And the answer is God. God created us for a relationship with him and all our other relationships are a reflection of this, an outpouring. Jesus told us that love for God and love for others are the first two commands, the highest in the Law. So if the core reason for my existence is to love God, then the core of my being is relational. Therefor, we have friends and relationships. [A second answer]

I feel like I have a piece of clarity but all it illuminates are many more questions. I think I'm ok with that though. Having a mind full of questions isn't all bad. So this process of asking questions and finding answers really isn't over. This is just what I can articulate right now.
It'll do for now.
here is a picture of Kat, when we were trying to study

Tuesday, September 24, 2013


I've been really distracted from blogging lately. Is that alright? To be distracted right now? I am going to say yes.

I've been off inside my imagination, with stories and what-ifs and dramatics. I'm realizing all the time (reading The Screwtape Letters by CS Lewis will do this to you) that I'm not living in the present enough. Or am I? Have I ever? Do I think too much? Am I to analytical? Am I analyzing this too much?

And on and on and on... I'm not sure I've even stopped long enough to formulate all the questions. They're just a mist of curiosity in my mind.

Please forgive my lack of writing. I'll be back when I'm over this cold. Maybe I'll bring some answers with me, or even just some clearer questions.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013


Today I came home to balloons

We had a lovely dinner

Because of the rain it was a picnic on the porch

There was much love

And some cake

And we watched an episode I love of Jeeves and Wooster
And friends came over to "do homework"

We planned our outfits for tomorrow
We really worked on our homework
We danced around
And forgot to do our pushups
Sang the song we've had stuck in our heads all week

And now I'm a year older
It was a lovely way to make the transition

Would that everyone were so lucky as they stepped into nineteen

Friday, September 13, 2013


I'd just like to say a few things that I've been meaning to say for a few days; but after today these few things seem easier to say, easier to put into words.

A few days ago a friend of mine asked me if I believe that social media and blogs create a mirage of perfection that others feel the need to live up to.

I see where this can come from.
We like to have beautiful creative space. We crave control and perfection.
We do not want to be wallowers in the pool of self-pity. We do not want to be that person with the depressing blog that no one wants to read.
We do not want horrible pictures of ourselves on facebook because they make us feel ugly.
We do not save our sad memories forever in Instagram pictures, to stumble upon later and cry over again.
We do not want to write out our flaws in a post to be read and commented on by strangers. We do not want those facts locked in cyberspace for generations to come.

So yes, to answer your question, maybe we do create a mirage.

In that case, let me set the record straight: I am not perfect.
I sin.
I have bad days. I get homesick.
I procrastinate. I can be unmotivated.
At the moment I have a splitting headache.
I live in a lovely little apartamento on campus with my best friends, but it's not perfect and the people who live here aren't perfect.
We disagree with our friends. We argue. We sometimes argue over meaningless nothings.
We stress about school, relationships, money.
We hurt each other, and we have to apologize.

But at the end of the day I have a God on whom I can rely. My eternal hope is in him. His Son told me not to worry about tomorrow, or anything really.
He gave me friends to share the joy and the struggle.

So at the end of the day, when I sit down to write a post and I am tired and stressed, I am faced with a decision. Do I vent? Or do I choose joy?

Here in this place I decide to choose joy.

PS: here is a picture of us dancin' it out to the Cupid Shuffle for stress relief.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Cold Feet

I always have cold feet. Not in the proverbial sense, but in the literal sense. My feet are always cold. (Or nearly always but that is beside the point.) Especially when I am home.

Because I am comfortable being barefoot at home.
All my toes living out in the open along with me and my heart.

And right now my feet are cold, in Texas, where it should be hot in September. Except that my feet are telling me it's not hot in the apartmento.

I'm going to take this as a sign.
I am home.
I know it with my heart and all ten toes.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Thought for Today

I know this video is long. I had a lot of different ideas on what to post next but I just saw this and thought it was very interesting. Maybe I'll have more to actually write tomorrow but for now I thought I'd just show you what's bouncing around in my head.

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Hello September Dearest

This picture sums up the day, at least parts of it.
The part where we ate waffles for breakfast.
The part where we relaxed.
The part where I got to talk to friends and family.
The part where I get to be alone for a breath.
The part where it still feels like it's summer, even though it's finally September.
Hello September. Nice to see you again, darling.